Save the...D'oh!

It's happened.  My first wedding mishap. 

So a few weeks back, I noticed a Groupon for Vistaprint.  $17 for $70 worth of product.  Sounds good, right?  I mean I know Vistaprint isn't exactly a high-end printer, but a friend has been using them for all her wedding stuff and is quite pleased with them.  The stuff she's had printed looks just fine.  So I figured I could give it a try, and if they stunk, I would only be out $17.  After all the wedding is like, 10 months away. 

But THEN I got an email from Vistaprint about their "bridal blowout sale" and everything was 50% off.  "Sa-weet", I thought.  "I bet I can combine these sales and get my save the date cards AND invitations for $17!" 

Oh, how wrong I was.  Sort of.  Combining the offers didn't seem to work.  Then I discovered on weddingwire.com that there were LOTS of forum threads devoted to specific tactics to massage your Vistaprint cart into giving you a nearly free order.  People were claiming to have $200 of stuff in their cart and paying less than $10 including the shipping.  

There were many steps involved.  Lots of clicking on this and clicking on that and closing the window and opening another window and then clicking on this secret link and then adding something else to your cart to get the shipping to drop....  wow, it got confusing fast.  

I spent HOURS playing this game.  No joke.  (I'm pretty determined to stick to my budget.)  But I played around with it until the cart said my order was free, with $10 shipping.  This was for about 60 save-the-date cards and 60 invitations.    I figured $17 groupon + $10 shipping was not a bad price to pay for the stuff that, at full retail, would be about $1 per.  The people on weddingwire were like "you should have done x, y and z and you would have gotten a better deal" but at that point I was really sick of it all and was fine with the price.  

It's been a week since I placed the order and have received no shipping email, so I logged into Vistaprint today to check the status of my order.  And that's when I saw it. 

I neglected to put the date of the wedding on the save-the-date cards.







*Sigh*   


For being a reportedly "detail-oriented" person, this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened to me.  In high school I was asked to draw an illustration for the school play, "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  I worked hard on creating a cool illustration in which the branches of trees spelled out the title.  It was very detailed and painstaking.   I proudly showed it to the principal, who immediately pointed out with stifled laughter that I had misspelled it.   I was mortified. 

The thing is, when you're looking hard at the details, you can miss something really obvious.  Does anyone remember that commercial in which a maintenance guy on a football field was meticulously painting letters onto the grass, trimming each blade carefully, and when he stepped back, saw that he misspelled it?  

While I was pondering things such as whether to ask for the "honor" or "honour" of my guest's presence, or contemplating if I should format the time as "6 pm" or "Six o'clock in the evening", I had missed a KEY component.  

The invitations look fine, but the save-the-dates are junk because Vistaprint won't allow you to cancel or change any order, for any reason, period.   But now I'm faced with a dilemma: 

1.  I could just not sent out save-the-dates: just send out invitations later. Our families already know the date, and I could give friends a heads-up on facebook.  
2.  I could re-order save the dates from vistaprint.  I liked that they were going to match.  But that will involve more money. 
3.  I could get save-the-dates elsewhere.  Maybe Michael's or ACMoore has some OK cheap ones. 
4.  I could print my own.  This was my original plan.  I had found a template I liked and bought some nice paper a long time ago.  I would still have to buy envelopes. 

I guess I'll wait and see how the invitations look first.  

Moral of the story:  Have someone else proofread your invitations and stuff before you place your order!

Keepin' it real: $5 wedding bands

 
A friend told me about a wedding she was invited to at a park.  She was asked to bring her own cutlery to the event.   That made me cringe.  Because no matter how low-budget or redneck your wedding is (and I say 'redneck' with all due respect.  I love rednecks and may want to be one when I grow up),  you should provide a way for your guests to get food into their mouths.  Plastic cutlery is fine for an outdoor event.  But "bring your own?"   *GAG*

Everyone has their own 'line in the sand' when it comes to budgeting their weddings, I suppose.

Regarding the wedding rings, I just discovered that you can get $5 plain stainless steel wedding bands on Amazon.   (OK, I cheated, the one I linked to is $6.)



To me, that is AWESOME.

I know someone will read this and want to puke.  To some, the thought of a $5 ring is about as horrific as asking your guests to supply their own spork.  

Let's just have it out, then.  Some people are into jewelry and some are not.   I may be in the minority of people who don't care about jewelry.  (I also do not like lobster, or the beach.  I guess I'm a weirdo.)  The only piece of jewelry I wear is my engagement ring.   OK, and maybe a pair of Target earrings.  I will only buy cheap earrings because I lose them.

I have never been into jewelry because I was a tomboyish sort and I was into horseback riding and doing farm stuff.    If you gave $1000 to 14-year old me, I would have bought a saddle with it. Jewelry has just never registered on my "want" list.

Also, I can't really tell the difference between expensive and cheap jewelry.  It all looks shiny to me.   You could be wearing cubic zirconia, I don't know and I don't give a shit, frankly.

My fiance gave me a nice engagement ring with a nice diamond.  He surprised me with it and it was waaaaay too big so we had to go to the store to get it sized.  I know it's a decent ring only because he bought it from a well known local jeweller.   I like it a lot.  I am proud of the fact that it is a nice ring and not some piece of crap, I really am.  But that's enough for me.  I don't need some fancy ring-of-bling to sit next to it.


I've been wearing this engagement ring for 5+ years and am still not totally used to it.  When I go to sleep, my brain thinks it's a callous and I wake up to find myself picking at it.    (Gross.  But true.)

The last thing I need is another ring.  I really don't know if I can stand to wear another, so the ring might really be for ceremonial purposes only.


My fiance wears zero jewelry and I'd already told him we should just get something cheap so that he doesn't have to worry about damaging it... or losing it,  if he wants to take it off for some reason.    Like music stuff,  gardening, whatever.  I'm a trusting sort, aren't I?

My original idea was to go to the Target "jewelry department" (the one in Holyoke, MA still has an actual counter)  and buy cheap, plain bands there.   Why not? I love Target and buy everything else there.  I even subscribe to a Target Addict blog.

I figured on spending $100 on the rings.

Now that I discovered the five dollar stainless bands, I just found $90 in my budget to use elsewhere!

A venue, a venue, my sanity for a venue

Sorry, but you can't set a date without a venue.  

Sure, you can try to set a date first, but that's putting the cart before the horse.  What if you found out your venue of choice was booked?  

You can't even remotely figure out a budget without a venue.  The cost of the venue + food is the single biggest expense of most weddings, no matter how you slice it.  You could borrow a neighbor's field for $0 but then pay $2500 in rentals for tent, tables, chairs, etc etc etc.  

Figuring out the place, time and major costs is the first step, and it's a step that took me five years to complete. 

We looked at everything.  From the classiest, swankiest banquet type places to a weird rock formation garden in the boonies.  The latter of which looked pretty neat on the website: 

But when we made an appointment to visit, we just kept driving by, because from the road it looked more like this:

Seriously, we were too scared to go down the driveway.  Maybe it was really cool once you got back there, but I did not wish for my guests to be surprised with the same sense of horror I had when I first saw it.   

Next up, we looked at Six Flags. Don't laugh.  Six Flags New England has a wonderful picnic area separate from the park.  You walk down a wooden trail and over a large, picturesque bridge to the pavilions.  The main pavilion is not some cheesy metal roofed thing.  It has wooden beams and feels almost like an indoor space.  They opened the bar area to reveal a gorgeous, intricately carved wooden bar they rescued from an old Springfield hotel before it was torn down.  With some decorations and lighting, the place would be amazingly beautiful.  Yet in the distance you can still hear the muffled roar of the old wooden Thunderbolt coaster, and the screams of delight/terror wafting on the wind over the pond.  

We both love amusement parks and this seemed like a fantastic idea.  They have a package price for groups that for each guest included free admission to the park, free parking, and lots of food.  

But the lady scared me away.   We met with this lady and she introduced us to the pavilion manager who was super cool.  He was like "we can do anything you want.  Just let us know. " He said they had specialty menus for anything: lobster, steak... he said they could get us heaters if it was going to be cold, help with more elegant table rentals if we didn't want the picnic tables.  But every question I had for the woman, she couldn't answer.  Could we rent it for evening?  (Most picnics occur in the daytime, obviously.)  Could we hire some of the actors to come by?  "I'll have to ask..."   

Okaaay.   The kicker was when I asked if we could take our bridal party onto the Cyclone after the ceremony.... you know, for the funny mid-coaster pictures.  I figured it would be cool if we just skipped to the front of the line since we were planning on dropping many thousands of dollars for this event... and the ride operator would surely be able to see a bridal party coming from a mile away.  She suggested we buy Speed Passes for our bridal party to skip the line.  Um, I don't think so.  She also claimed there was no handicapped parking access to the picnic area  (for my very elderly grandmother). Which is bull, because they will allow trucks into the picnic area for deliveries and such.  She said we would have to park her in the regular parking and then borrow a wheelchair.  If you've ever been to SFNE, you will know that the parking area to the picnic areas is a LONG way. 

It was going to be $5k before any alcohol (and the alcohol was EXPENSIVE).  And I would need linen/table rental.  And they were just being wishy washy on everything.  

I am terrible at demanding things.  So the idea of having to pull teeth for a simple request was a huge turn-off.  

We saw the Look Park Garden House in Florence, Mass, which is a beautiful space, and would be my #1 choice for something traditional.  It doesn't feel like a bland banquet space.  They have lovely exposed beams and a huge fireplace.  There are nice dressing rooms for the bride, and a bar, and access to the park of course.  Within the park there are several locations for an outdoor ceremony if you choose, for an extra fee of course. 

That too was pricey... something like $2k just to get the space, then choosing from a list of preferred caterers, the cheapest of which was still going to be close to $2k.   

Finally, we decided to book the ceremony and reception at a local restaurant owned by a friend.  We're not getting any kind of crazy deal (I don't think), but it's much more pleasant because we know the owner and I'm not afraid to ask questions or ask for something a little unusual.   

HOW I'M KEEPIN' IT REAL: 

- We booked a Sunday to keep costs low.  The restaurant can be 'bought out' on any night, but they are usually closed on Sunday.  By choosing this nontraditional day, we are not interfering with their regular business.   

- We chose a holiday weekend (Columbus Day) because most people won't have to go to work on Monday. So in this case, Sunday is more like Saturday in that regard.   Columbus Day weekend is not a huge major holiday like 4th of July, so most people don't have big plans in place.  

- We are inviting family and close friends to the ceremony and dinner; after that, the bar will be open for additional guests.  (Cash bar at that point.) That way, we can go crazy inviting people to the 'afterparty' without incurring higher costs.  

More pros to this plan: 

- Ceremony and reception in one place.  Nice and easy. 

- There are ample photo ops around the building.  

- No weird wedding venues add-ons like 'cake cutting fee'.  

*overall huge sigh of relief* 

It's amazing what you can start putting into place once you have a venue and date!  Stay tuned...

Realistically, how this all came about

My fiance and I met in 2003 and started dating in early 2004.  We dated for a good four years and he asked me to marry him in 2008.  Nice ring, down on the knee, the whole shebang.

Somehow, 2013 rolled around and we still weren't married.  Nearly ten years together and not married.  That's just... bad.  I actually looked up whether Massachusetts has commonlaw marriage (it doesn't.) We had bought and sold a house, started a business, started a different business, quit jobs, got new jobs, and went back to school.... and just failed to have an actual wedding.

Why the hold up?

Because every time we started to try to make plans for a wedding, one of the following would occur:

1.  I didn't like the typical stuffy, bland, cookie-cutter venues.
2.  I didn't like the weirdos that inhabited the more quirky, offbeat venues.
3.  I discovered that I am more of a bridezilla than I had previously imagined. Nothing was 'just right.'
4.  We would almost nail down a venue/date and someone close to us would suddenly announce they were getting married that same day.  This happened more than once!
5.  We would faint from sticker shock, and when revived, would just give up. 

I never really dreamed about getting married as a little girl, and I am not a huge fan of the traditional church/banquet hall/white wedding stuff.  I mean, most weddings are pretty boring.  And they all kind of start to blend together after a while.  And it's crazy that people are spending huge amounts of money to have essentially the same kind of wedding as everyone else they know.

But then.... we went to a friend's wedding in an orchard that was just amazing.  They had hayrides up to the ceremony site, overlooking a valley.  They had a huge patio that was wonderfully decorated.  They had a delish barbeque company doing the cooking on site.  They had a magician, and a fire dancer, and break dancers.  The whole thing was fun, different, memorable, and also elegant.  I thought, "They've set the bar high."  Suddenly I realized I DID have very specific wants when it came to our wedding.  I wanted something just as fun and unique.  Turns out that's a taller order than I had imagined.

I couldn't find the right place.  You can't start planning a wedding without a venue.  A few times we almost settled upon something very unique and outdoors, but then I would start to freak out about all the details I would have to personally arrange.  Tent. Table and chair rental.  Linens.  Fancy porta-potty rental.  A stage or something for the band.  Dance floor? Yeah, I guess you need one if you're setting up a tent on grass, dontcha... on and on, until I said "aaahhh! I can't do this!" and would resign myself to settling with a more traditional venue... you know, like one that already has bathrooms.  That doesn't seem like too much to ask.

So, when you realistically have to adjust your expectations, you start looking for alternatives.  I started googling things like 'cheap brides' or 'budget weddings' and found only really two trains of thought.

1.  What is considered a budget wedding is often still WAY out of my comfort price range.
2.  The suggested alternative is a courthouse wedding.

Come on.  There has to be some middle ground out there.  Let's get creative, people!

Modern weddings have just taken on monstrously unrealistic proportions.  They turn out not to be very much fun for anyone, way too much money, and too much pressure.  Your parents probably don't understand the insane amount of pressure to have everything perfect, and your grandparents would probably choke on their prunes if they had any idea how much you were planning on spending.

Here's my deal.

- We've already been together long enough that at this point, everyone's expectations are refreshingly low!  My sister said "There's no shame in having a potluck."   Allright!  Basically anything in which food is offered will seem like a step up in her eyes!

- We are too old to ask our family for money.  They've already helped us out enough during the course of our lives.

- IT'S JUST ONE DAY.  Yes, I want it to be a special day.  But no day is worth spending $10k+ to me.

- We want to go on a honeymoon.  So many people we know are spending so much on their wedding that they don't have anything left for a honeymoon.  That tradition is important to me, so, we're including that in our cost budget.  My ultimate goal is $5,000 total.   $3k for the wedding, $2k for travel.  With sites like Groupon Getaways and Travelzoo, it seems doable.

So I'll post whatever, whenever I have anything to share about the quest for the $3,000 wedding.  Stay tuned.

By the way, we're getting married in October.  More on the date in the next post.